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Now more than a year ago, somewhere around August 2013 I stopped taking all my ADHD medication and chronic bronchitis medication from one day onto the other. About one month later, somewhere in September I managed to loose all my self written poetry (around 1500 to 2000 pages of scribbles spread over more than 6 books). Because I was stupid enough (and stoned enough) to forget them….aaarrrgh :-(

At first I was totally lost and filled with despair and sorrow about loosing all those books, but now many months later I have the feeling that it was meant to happen so I could let go of those old writings and scribbles (the, in my opinion, best ones I’ve posted here anyways :-) ). Now I’ve started from scratch and believe it was the best thing to do! Since then I’ve written loads of new things and I feel free and unchained with regards to all my older poems :-)

Just recently, like two months ago, I also found out that the dutch government has put my ADHD medication (concerta) on the banned medication list here in The Netherlands due to the side-effects of suicide and sudden death…..I was pretty shocked to find out that my psychiatrist and my doctor knew this already and still kept prescribing it to me because they don’t care and want to keep doing “a test-case” with people…..what the hell ?

Ever since I stopped with concerta, my stomach pains have gone away and lots of other problems….which turned out to all be side-effects. It is ridiculous how they use us as test subjects.

Ofcourse my ADHD troubles me more than before, but I guess I just have to find a way to live with that instead of being a test/lab rat for the pharmacutical companies!

Imminent death
Soul collected
And then forget
A life full of regret.

What is the big secret ?
Tell the world
So they might learn
Although I think
We’ve passed the point of no return.

How much longer ?
Will it take
Until we realize
We’ve wasted the human race ?

Dark thoughts overcoming me
Consuming my total being
Wasting every feeling
Destroying my inner child
Consuming all left of my soul and psyche
Killing my every personal way of surviving.

Trying to resurrect my soul
Trying to survive it all
Trying to be all I can be
Disregarding humanity
Throwing it all away
And evolving into what I had to become
To let my soul survive the killing and destroying
Mentality of the mainstream of mankind

Darkness surrounds me
Death is all I see
Demons trying to devour and eat me
Struggles of a magnitude beyond the grasp of reality.

Wars raging inside
fights against thoughts
night after night
Doesn’t matter if you are
In the darkness or in the light
They will find and haunt you till you die.

Darkness of night
Shadows around
to scare and taunt you tonight.

be afraid and watch every move
they will try and catch
and then eat you alive

All in earnest
Call of the wild
Death of an underaged child
Warm and cold
Blood runs red
The world is underfed
Everyone is marked for death

————————

Rain falling down
On the streets
It falls on the heads
Of the people that walk
On the sidewalk
And makes them wet
The experience of rain
Is sensational and great

My brain seems fried
It seems to run wild tonight
Screaming out into the streets
Not caring which people might take offence

Screw the world
I might be growing old
Might be caring too much for my girl
Could be told to fork of this road

Would not listen
Would not care
I would die for her
I would wish for a sanctuary
Don’t ask me why

Ancient shapes
Dark and awake
Aware of all that is around
Them and emits energy to
Feed and comfort them.
Satyrs on the run
Watch out for the devils
And demons my son!

Shadows and shapes
In the night
They are awake
When mankind sleeps
They hunt and feed

Once attached
It is hard to get free
They will remain with you
And suck and feed
It is a bad breed
Born from rotten seed

Feeling sick and not fine
Somehow a bad virus
Has managed to overthrow
My system and mind

Battle going on inside
Raging through my very being
It is not a nice feeling

The cure has to be found
Someway I’ll get better
And walk around
Feeling fine and good again
In both mind and spirit realms

On a day some months ago
You came into my life and
Conquered my heart and my soul
By surprise you have thrown me into loving you
I never would have imagined
I would fall so in love
With the beautifull woman
That you are and the person
That i have come to know so through and through.

Her name, she told me, is Samantha
And she has a lovely and beautifull
Character and personality
We talked and talked and we
Both felt the chemistry
There is in between both of our minds
And our human beings.

A feeling so strong
We both knew that we have something special going
And we could be sitting on a true love
And a strong and longlasting loving thing.

The more and more we continued to talk
We felt the connection between us
Expand and grow stronger and deeper as the days passed
If we play it right this love could last and last,
Hopefully till we are both old
And in our last days
And so we might then both pass on
Into the spiritual side of things

Raw and chaotic emotions
Got loose out of their solid cage
They’re out for doing some carnage and rage
Beware of their influence
On my sanity and mental state.

Dark and raw emotions boil
Surfacing into a pool of complete turmoil
Thightening the already tightened coil
Someone’s blood will spill
And stain the already rotten acid drops of rain
That torment us day after day after day

All in earnest
Call of the wild
Death of an underaged child
Warm and cold
Blood runs red
The world is underfed
Everyone is marked for death

————————

Rain falling down
On the streets
It falls on the heads
Of the people that walk
On the sidewalk
And makes them wet
The experience of rain
Is sensational and great

My mind is raging in chaos
Depressive thoughts are setting in
Thoughts about leaving this world
And finally push my life into the ending

Like a tornado storm it rages by
It tries to convince me
Of the thought that life
Is not worth anything anymore
And ending it all is the option to go for

This love that has overcome me
It is something so strong and so steady
The feeling has totally got a hold and grip so crazy
I am a slave to her
And to the love I feel
Inside it burns and keeps me going
Night after night
From the darkness into the light

Fallout with my mother
Bomb burst that had to give way
Had to happen some day
Hate the feeling it gave me

The tension was present the last months
Hated it and felt it every second
Didnt want it to come to this
To explode into our faces

Forgive me for this pain
Didnt want to cause this
And never want to again
If you bury me forgive me there and then

In my life suddenly appeared
The woman I have searched and dreamed off
For all these endless years.

The feeling grew bigger and stronger every day
And now I love her and want to be with her
Everyday and every step of the way.

The path we have chosen to take
And commit to is one
Where we both will be loving eachother
For an eternity and be eachothers soulmate
And eachothers rock and standvast gate

The connection we feel and experience
Between our minds and feelings
Seems to transcent the materialistic realms and times
It is such a deep feeeling of true love that
It will bind us for ever and ever
In all the existing planes of species and entities we will ever be or encounter in life.

Darling, darling,

swept me of my feet

at first I thought it was a joke

but I cannot deny my feelings for you

and have to embrace the fire inside

that has been burning

ever since that first time

oh how I wish you would be mine

till the end of time

 

want to hold and caress you

all night long

want to feel your skin

touching mine until the morning light.

Storm of acid and fire
Cycloon of raging anger
Destruction to the maximum
Level of satisfaction
Extinction of all life
Annihilation of all known to mankind

Nuclear carnage in the darkness of the night
Never any return to any daylight
People fried in an instant
And overwhelmed with terrorfying fright

Mankind laid to waste
In an instant of time
No return for any one species
End of all life, empty darkness from then on

Riding down the lane
Wasting any feelings down the drain
No pain and no gain
The game we want to play is not without any shame!

The train is moving on down the way
Day by day by day
No materialistic gain
And you will have to complete a task
To gain power to sustain your soul in the spiritual plane

Woman you mesmerized me
You have cast a spell
On my soul and spiritual being
Ypu have managed to sweep me of my feet

I have totally fallen for you
And want to devote my love to you
And let you know you are the only one
For me in the entire existing universe we can experience and see

That is how hard and deep I have fallen
For your personality, character and charming ways
You are like an angel that shines a light on me
In the black and completely dark night
I know I can depend and count on you
Since the feeling of love is mutual in both our hearts
And we have committed to try and experience
The sparks and electrical lightning
That are generated by the love that we consumate
Whenever we can and feel like and have some privacy

A lady came onto my way
Along a beautifull sunny day
She blocked my path
And did not want to give way

She told me that she was curious
To learn who I was
And she wanted to invest time
Into stealing my heart
And conquering my soul

Some little time later
She managed to secure
A place in my heart
Soo deeply rooted and locked
Into my core being and spirit

Oh what a true beautifull and majestic feeling
That I am experiencing for another human being

Don’t know how
You have managed to start it up
But now I can not turn it off
Or even dimm it down

This fire is burning
And can not be tempered
Or extinguished

How did you manage
To start it in the first place ?

You have managed
To lite a fire
Under my desire

There is a fire
Burning inside of me
That you have lit
And I can’t extinguish it

Oh the feeling inside of me
So deeply rooted and so strong
A feeling that feels like it cannot be wrong
It boils up from so deep inside

Haven’t felt like this for years and years
A continous stream of feelngs and a realisation and belief
That I have found my true and one and only soulmate
The true and only woman that is the one for me

This feeling makes me happy and fills me with joy
I hope you don’t treat me like a toy
You have managed to touch and grab me
Like no one has ever done before
Let’s love each other till the world ends amd we still hold each other’s hands

She swept me off my feet
In one go I was sold
Would have laughed at you if you would have foretold
The feeling inside is one I cannot deny or hide
It supplies me with an source of energy I cannot set aside.

Feels like floating on a cloud
I would go and shout
Let everyone know
That you have caged and stolen my heart and my soul.

What has happened to me ?
How did you manage to capture me ?
Seems like magic or a cloak of a spell
If so, then let me keep on dreaming
And never wake up
And let me keep on feeling like this
Until the end is in sight
Let this be a never ending night!

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