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Fire, burning inside
Can’t run away and hide
Never ending
Fight to survive
Death and pain
All around
And attacking from all sides

No where to run
Facing a loaded gun
What have we started ?
Scared and startled
We run away
But death catches us
And we perish right there
Can’t escape
From our hellish faith

I won’t be saved
By all the days
Coming after
This dreadful day
Unless I would
Manage to change my way

Dark clouds
And thunder
Hanging over my head

Wish I was dead
And relieved from
This horrifying continues thread

Have you seen the sun ?
Come up in the morning
After the night was just gone ?

Have you ever felt overwhelmed ?
Or ever felt completely alone ?

Have you experienced floating
Outside of your body and mind ?
What did you feel at that point in time ?

Realize, feel
And become real

Oxygen fills our breathing air
Without it
We would be so helpless
How would we be able
To survive ?

Life on this planet
Has grown
In extraordinary circumstances

We should be
So thankful
We came to be alive

I am unconscious but awake
Feeling demons pulling on me
To take me down into the abyss
And take my soul and spirit away

Darkness and pain
Have to battle
To fight it off me
And scare it away

Angels of light
Fighting at my side
Night after night
To free me from the dark side

Epic battle
Raging for ages
Between devils
And beings of light

Will not be over
In one other night
Still no end
Of this war
In sight

For your soul to survive
Make sure
You always try to
Do what is right

Boiling up to the surface
Old memories long forgotten
Re-entering my conscious brain
And making me relieve
Those times long ago once lived.

Some are happy
Some are sad
But all in all
It ain’t bad

Does give the chance
To,put everything
Into perspective
Makes me believe
That so far
I have lived
More than most people
Ever did
And I’m glad
I have taken this path

Wasted lives
Thrown away
In a nameless grave

Trust violated
Friendships flushed
People blowing themselves up
In the name of some god

When are we going to realize
And also understand
That we should respect
Other human beings
And not kill over each others opinions ?

Feeling pain
And sorrow
And sadness
In all sorts of ways

Feeling rotten
Inside my brain
Going insane

Feeling like rain
Is coming down
On me
In every way

Feeling my life
Is slipping
Don’t want to play
Along anymore
In this game

Let mankind blow itself to pieces
Then the rest of nature can
Recover and survive
Mankind is the cancer
This world has to get rid of
To stay alive

To cure nature
And mother earth
Mankind has to
Disappear from
This beautiful round globe
And it has to become extinct
To let all the other species
Give a chance to survive
And walk around without fear
To be killed
And become extinct themselves

What is this world coming to ?
People killing each other for their beliefs
And for any other stupid reason

Humans murdering against
It’s own kind
Why have we slipped so far down
Into darkness and violence ?

We have destroyed mother earth
And have been raging war
Since our birth

The world should
Get rid off
The disease called
Homo sapiens

Screams inside
Cannot hide
Pain stabbing me
Feeling so awkwardly

Strange sensations
Chills down my spine
Why do we keep living
Our wasted lives?

Humanity should try
To be more peaceful
Instead of trying
To strive
To murder
Anyone who does not think alike

War
Terrorism
Violence

They all seem to belong
To the normal way
Of life nowadays

What has become of humanity ?
Why do we have to kill
Another human being ?

Moon is full
Dark is night
Rain falling down
A frightening night
Darkness sucks away
All the light

Shadows dance
All around
Trying to catch you
And take you away
To a shimmering world

Beware beware
Of the shadow
Everywhere everywhere

The drama and
The pain
Not going away
Keeps coming back
Day after day

Sorrow and regret
Bad memories
You will never forget

Cannot escape
Or run away
From all
The past sorrow and pain

Wasps swarm around
Stinging anyone on the way
Like we seem to shoot people nowadays

War is poisoning the world
Its venom creeping into every crack
We have to find a way to reverse it back

Crossroad ahead
Which exit to take next?
Am I going to survive
And come back on top
Healthy and alive ?

Or will I take the wrong turn?
What will I find there ?
Will I crash and burn?

Dark storms
Clouds over your head
Rain falling down
Wind howling
Your senses disorientated
Your body lost
Wishing you were dead

Emotions flowing
Need to control
And steer my soul
So I can feel happy and fine

 

How subtle
Or hard
Can life be

Sometimes
We seem
So overwhelmed
That we
Desperately
Try to find
Solutions
That
We cannot see

 

Shine a light
Moon of the night
Let me see where I go
Don’t let me get lost
Don’t make me wander off
Guide me to where I need to be
Set me free

Moon full and white
Shining full of pride
Be my guide

Walking through the forest
Trees all around
Faces in the dark
Talking to me
On the path I follow
Darkness ready to swallow
And embrace
Ready to take away my face

Moon full and white
Shining full of pride
Be my guide

If thoughts slip away
Where do they end up?
Tell me please ?
Where do they find refugee ?

Will anything get lost ?
Will anything get blown away ?
Destroy and time will tell
If history will survive

Be true to the story
Written down
Instead of
Imagined
And
Or fantasized

Will we still survive ?

Dark and negative feelings
Drawing me into the abyss
Making me fall into forgetfulness
Killing me every night
Over and over again
Help me out my friend

Falling deeper
And deeper
Sorrow and pain
Lock the chain
And make it
Forever rain

Can I escape ?
Leave this rotten place ?
Help me survive
And live through the night

Scarred and broken
A feeling of being torn apart
Life can hit you so damn hard
That you fall and break
Chaos, and not being able to take
Any more crap in any form of way

Crawl out of that misery
Crawl out of that place
Pave and create a new way
Stick with it
And invest in your wellbeing
Bend that bad feeling
And create your own healing

Now more than a year ago, somewhere around August 2013 I stopped taking all my ADHD medication and chronic bronchitis medication from one day onto the other. About one month later, somewhere in September I managed to loose all my self written poetry (around 1500 to 2000 pages of scribbles spread over more than 6 books). Because I was stupid enough (and stoned enough) to forget them….aaarrrgh :-(

At first I was totally lost and filled with despair and sorrow about loosing all those books, but now many months later I have the feeling that it was meant to happen so I could let go of those old writings and scribbles (the, in my opinion, best ones I’ve posted here anyways :-) ). Now I’ve started from scratch and believe it was the best thing to do! Since then I’ve written loads of new things and I feel free and unchained with regards to all my older poems :-)

Just recently, like two months ago, I also found out that the dutch government has put my ADHD medication (concerta) on the banned medication list here in The Netherlands due to the side-effects of suicide and sudden death…..I was pretty shocked to find out that my psychiatrist and my doctor knew this already and still kept prescribing it to me because they don’t care and want to keep doing “a test-case” with people…..what the hell ?

Ever since I stopped with concerta, my stomach pains have gone away and lots of other problems….which turned out to all be side-effects. It is ridiculous how they use us as test subjects.

Ofcourse my ADHD troubles me more than before, but I guess I just have to find a way to live with that instead of being a test/lab rat for the pharmacutical companies!

Imminent death
Soul collected
And then forget
A life full of regret.

What is the big secret ?
Tell the world
So they might learn
Although I think
We’ve passed the point of no return.

How much longer ?
Will it take
Until we realize
We’ve wasted the human race ?

Dark thoughts overcoming me
Consuming my total being
Wasting every feeling
Destroying my inner child
Consuming all left of my soul and psyche
Killing my every personal way of surviving.

Trying to resurrect my soul
Trying to survive it all
Trying to be all I can be
Disregarding humanity
Throwing it all away
And evolving into what I had to become
To let my soul survive the killing and destroying
Mentality of the mainstream of mankind

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